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A Loss From Both Ends…

There is a quote from a book that C.S. Lewis wrote after the passing of his wife, it says: “If, as I can’t help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” – C.S. Lewis

I feel this way as well. I think Michael misses me just as much as I miss him. I believe he is counting the seconds as well to when we are reunited. Other’s may view this as me being selfish or heartless to say that about someone who is in “heaven”, a place with no worries or pain, but he lost his wife that day as well.

He cannot have me kiss him goodnight or make him dinner. I am not there to listen to his thoughts and feelings. My loss is the same as his, and I take comfort in knowing we share this angst together. The frustration of not knowing if he hears my words, feels my undying love, I wonder if he struggles with as well. I believe that just as hard as I try to communicate and get across how in love with him he is doing the same. As much as I yearn for him he does as well. When I sit and think of that I feel immediately less alone. It is one thing to meet fellow widows who suffer from the loss of a soul mate but at the same time I find even more comfort knowing that both Michael and I are still in this together….Life and Death.

Our love covers both realms. I do not search for answers or signs for just like love, it is something you cannot force. It is when you let go of the wanting and pushing that all that you need answered comes to you. I love you baby and am so in love with you. We are soul mates in life and in death.

Below is a picture that I took while walking across Spain. I looked up as the clouds rapidly closed in. Coincidence? Maybe…but beautiful above all.


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3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Tara #

    Awww, I like it 🙂

    07/26/2008
  2. lancasters3 #

    That picture is amazing. On my husbands birthday I was walking into my house when I looked down and saw a heart shaped rock. I thought it was also a coincidence, but the next day as I sat at his grave site, I felt something in the ground…it was another heart shaped rock. My husband had this things with everything being an even number. He ate M&M's two at a time!! And everytime I put flowers on his grave, I make sure its an even number. I just knew it was a sign from him. I keep them next to my bed with his pictures and can not wait to be able to kiss him again…

    07/30/2008
  3. The American Widow Project #

    That is too cool with the rocks!!! Michael didn’t have anything with numbers or hearts LOL but I’ll tell myself he liked the sky since he was airborne…hence the cloud shape ;D

    08/02/2008

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