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He Smiled

“He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced—or seemed to face—the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.”

-The Great Gatsby

The other night I had a dream with Michael in it.

A festival of some sort was taking place and I stood some distance away…eyes glued to my love. Something passed by, that before Michael could even look at it, I knew would be something he’d find amusing.

I knew it would happen. One of the things that melted my heart and still brings butterflies to my belly to think about.

He would smile.

Not a courtesy smile. Not a half smile…but his real smile. The smile only showed in the most authentic of happy moments.

I stared.

Like a marionette, the corners of his sweet mouth slowly lifted. More and more until it appeared. A full grin showing his pearly gap-toothed smile.

I watched from afar…a tad proud that I knew that this would be something that I foresaw making him smile and warm in my heart seeing him happy.

Before I could observe him anymore, he turned his head and looked at me…full grin still intact…silently acknowledging that our souls, our thoughts…are still connected.

He knew that I would know, and that is a simple fact that I need to remember as I venture on this life sans him by my side.

He will know what I know inside of me…and though I won’t be able to see it as I did in that dream, I know he will be looking at me with that grin…that unfaltering expression, that “eternal reassurance”, letting me know he’ll be there in my reality, invisibly there for me to turn to and show my true smile to.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Love it T, and always love to see photos of Michael.

  2. Brooke Toner #

    “When I dream, I dream of him. For several nights now he’s come to me, waving from a distant shore as if he’s been waiting patiently for me to arrive. He doesn’t utter a word, but his smile says everything: I’ve missed you.”
    — Libba Bray (The Sweet Far Thing)

    One day…. but
    not yet… not yet….

    Love you Mrs. Davis!

  3. Man, Brooke! That quote is too good for words. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    I love you Mrs. Toner


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