I took a shower for you. I know you’d be happy about that.
I couldn’t sleep all night. I struggled for my mind to grasp what this day was.
I awoke and cried. It still will never seem fair that we are not together in the form we first connected…in the form we were meant to share more years in.
I felt whole.
I felt empty.
I rode behind someone on a motorcycle like yours and smiled.
I played Louis Armstrong like we did on our wedding day.
I was grateful for the few who still stick with me. Who see a slither of the being I was when you were alive.
They filled our house with flowers.
I bought tulips.
I know they’re your favorite.
I look at my ring and know you fingers graced it.
I know you weren’t a dream.
I miss you.
I miss having not to tell myself that all we have is not some fable.
I miss having the one person who knew we were true.
Who knew me.
Who knew that I knew you.
I love you, husband.
I’m so in love with you.
I don’t think I’ll ever fathom that we we’re married 1.5 years on earth…4.5 years apart….
But I can fathom the moment we are reunited and it makes each passing second a gift.
Happy Anniversary, My love.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”