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Evolve

The 4 Fires we created the last night for the 108 aka the 108 times we walked across them for graduation.

Evolve.

We all hopefully do it.

Peel the layer off the onion to reveal the next.

It was hard and unthinkable to have any other “layers” after Michael’s death…but surely, 5 years later, I’ve evolved.

Grown.

Learned.

But the growth has been like watching a snail crossing a road:

It’s surely moving, but when you watch it continuously, it looks as slow as molasses…when you turn your glance and look back a time later, it seems as if it’s gone leaps and bounds.

This past week though…I saw the growth happen before my eyes…without taking my eyes off the whole time.

I went to become a Certified Firewalk Instructor for new things I have planned in the future for my passion and cause…but left having learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined.

It was a crash-course in the obstacles, faults, fears, and goals we all have in life.

It was like taking a sip of what I thought was water, to have my system shocked when I realized it was sprite.

I pushed myself (along with the help of a god-sent group of individuals all trying to attain the same goal or facilitating), mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Together we cried, cheered, were inspired by each others faith in the other, by each person’s perseverance when things got bad, by the ability to find a place in our mind that was pure, unscathed, and there to show us the truths within each of us.

There were moments of doubt and apprehension…but always a hand to reach out (Thank you Kathy). There were moments of realizations that we are not alone in are connections (Thank you, Del) and there were realizations that some people will test you to make sure your spirit and soul are reinforced in your being (Thank you, Robert).There were moments that I saw the utter goodness of strangers who want to do nothing more than help other’s achieve the goals set forth (Thank you, FIRE team).

Only one other moment since Michael’s death have I been so utterly sure that the things I learned would change my life forever.

I am now a certified Firewalk Instructor.

But more than that, I am a better person. A person that has much growing to do, but can finally see life with clear eyes and an open heart.

I didn’t want our time at F.I.R.E. to end and had a bit of hesitation in the outside world being able to fully comprehend all that took place…all that will run through my veins from this point on…and they may not…but I knew that for 4 days I learned amazing and extreme tools of enlightenment and empowerment, I met people who are more than people, but now family, and I have no doubt that I was where I was supposed to be…with Michael’s amazing spirit alongside me the whole time.

 

“Courageous risks are life-giving, they help you grow, make you brave, and better than you think you are.”

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3 Comments Post a comment
  1. For the last 5 years I’ve watched as you have evolved. I could not be prouder of you. I can see the difference on your face and today I heard the difference in your voice. You inspire me, along with all those you meet. I left our conversation thinking, “wow, I’m going to have to pick up my pace.” 😉 ❤ U my dear one.

    06/29/2012
  2. I am so joyful for you. As I listened to you yesterday it amazed me and I will admit parts were startling even shocking (hello fear of needles for me). Through the years I have seen you grow and evolve , re-bloom, and always been in wonder of your inner strength and openness to take risks. I left our time together yesterday thinking–ok what can I do next. But then you always inspire me to be greater than my current self because I see that you push yourself forward and when I close my eyes I see myself taking a step forward as well. Much love Taryn. Katherine.

    06/30/2012
  3. I always enjoy reading your entries. Evolve sometimes happens when you aren’t even looking, and sometimes when you are searching. I am looking forward to evolution in not only myself but in my own grieving process.

    Thank you for all your writings.

    07/09/2012

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