Change

“I don’t know that love changes. People change. Circumstances change.”- Nicholas Sparks

December is always one of the toughest months of the year for me.

Wedding Anniversary, Christmas, my birthday…all within 4 days of each other.

And as I’ve mentioned before, I define Michael’s life by his love, not the day he died, so I find our anniversary tougher than the day he left this earth.

But this year I know will be better.

Not because I love him any less. Not because his absence is any less prominent. Not because the pain has fully dissapeared.

Because I have changed.

I see that I have the control. Not to change the circumstances of what has happened. But because I have changed in the sense that I am finally able to see that I change the circumstances of how I will react and evolve from these days.

I will undoubtedly be tired and have my mood swings, more than usual, but I have a feeling that December 2012 will be the best one since December 2007.

The love hasn’t changed…but grown…and finally I am allowing myself to grow with it.