“What else is on your bucket list?” the stranger asked me.
It was over a call in which I received the news that something Michael and I had planned to do, but never had the opportunity to, was coming to fruition.
I sat there. Thinking.
“What else is on my bucket?!”
If I were to refer to my list after Michael’s death and where my life is now, the answer was simple.
I had done nearly everything that we ever wanted to do together. Either while he was alive or after.
I found true love.
I found my passion.
I’ve been able to travel all over the world.
I’m able to get up and love what I do every day.
I have amazing family and friends that continue to push me to evolve and grow.
And now….I had the knowledge that one of the last activities we spoke about doing together was going to happen.
So as I sat there, contemplating my response, it hit me, “I think that the one thing I had left on my bucket list, that I loathingly added in the very first months of Micheal’s death, was to actually want to live again….to not open my eyes each morning with apprehension…to not just feel the need to live for him, because he couldn’t, but to want to live for myself. That really was the biggest thing left on my ever-changing and expanding list…and I’ve done it. It’s checked off.”
Of course, I’d love to see and experience every thing this beautiful world has to offer, but at that moment, and at this moment, I have done more than I ever dreamed possible, loved more deeply than the deepest abyss, experienced more than I could have ever fathomed. There may be more in the future, for whatever length that is, but in the present, I can happily say that my original list has been (or will be by August), completed. My bucket list before his death.
And now, I’ve chosen to not create one for my life after his death. Not for fear of the unknown, but for bliss in the unknown…the unpredictable…the things that make life the amazing ride it has been. The bliss that has made every moment of everyday an unfolding bucket list I didn’t even know I wanted, but so happily check off.