5 months around the world.
So much that I don’t feel I will ever be able to put into words.
So much I’m still absorbing….embracing.
I can say, that more than anything, this trip was not about the tropical locations or adventures (yes…they played a part)…but this trip was about a widow who lost her soul mate over 8 years ago, who had never wanted to date or love or feel connected in that way again…learning how to be a “we” again.
How to trust.
How to rely.
How to let go.
How to have faith in the unknown.
I was not disappointed.
I struggled and fought and sometimes climbed into my mental cave of a security blanket, but not before Luke pulled it over my head and made me face it. Face myself. Face the obstacles of learning how to live in love after the one I loved was taken suddenly and tragically.
When times got toughest I’d find a “Michael” or “Charlie” show up in the form of a grocery bagger, a bungee coordinator, or a dog on a trail. I’d be sent warmth and hope in the form of a swallow or a white butterfly or a child’s smile.
More than anything, I saw the parts of me that I so easily ignored in the comfort of my solitude.
The fearless widow now saw the fears that still crippled her.
The go-with-flow girl saw that she still wanted to control the uncontrollable.
The peaceful warrior saw that she still had battles within herself to hand an olive branch to.
And so, here I sit, not swarmed by the impermanence I had become so acclimated to, but on the chair in the office in the home we live in.
I’m changed and am changing, but am still playing catch up to figure out in just what and all the ways.
And with that, I am learning to love all the crooks, cracks, crannies, jewels, dust, glitter and glow of this further unveiled soul of mine.
And I’m alive….and now, very fully aware of what that truly means….fully aware of where life exists.