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Posts tagged ‘songs’

Built

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“A song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.”
-Sarah Dessen

This Monday will mark our 8 year wedding anniversary.

As I’ve said over the years, I’ve never defined Michael’s life by his death, so the anniversary of his death has never had the burn of the day that symbolizes him and our time together…

Our wedding day.

A day that symbolizes our love.

His love.

The unconditional love he showed myself and everyone else.

The pain and angst enveloped me at times, but one thing always takes me away from any sadness that wears on my soul:

Hearing our wedding song.

He let me choose it, and when the time came for our first dance, we swayed (mostly due to lack of dancing skills) back and forth, lost in the moment, tunnel vision only into each others eyes and the warm glow of our hearts melding even deeper into their eternal bond.

After his death, a year and a half later, the words of the song have guided me through dark moments. They’ve reminded me that everything that I’ve been able to do, survive and embrace, has been built upon his love…his kiss.

And I’ll keep on building.

Happy Anniversary, my love. SILWY

Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Ah sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on

Paradise

“I love that moment. When you’re on a long car ride, or listening to music, or reading. And you completely zone out. You forget your troubles, and everyone around you. You’re focused on that one thing, and that one thing only. You’re content, and everything seems peaceful.”- Unknown

I savor these moments.

After Michael was killed I had to remind myself when they were happening, but ironically knew right away when they were taking place. Almost as if my mind couldn’t believe that peace and a quiet smile was possible.

I savor these moments even more, even though they come around more often.

They’re no longer a shock to my system.

They are a gift I excitedly tear open to savor for whatever period of time that is.

Life is finite.

These moments are too.

But it doesn’t matter…

These moments are happening and it’s all I could ask for.

Waking up to my dog curling his tail and stretching. Watching the biography channel over a glass of wine. Listening to Coldplay echo in the background. Feeling the breeze as I take out the trash. Smiling with a dear friend. Laughing at the random moments of beauty and awkwardness that plague any widow.

That’s life…my life.

A quilt of moments…good..bad…unexpected…expected…

My own little odd paradise.

All I Need

I’m holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it’s all we got but it’s all I need
You’re all I need

And if all we’ve got, is what no one can break,
I know I love you, if that’s all we can take…
-Mat Kearney

If There Was No You

Alright, Alright, Alrighhhttt!

Long time, no post.

Just heard this song. Love it. It’s crazy how different songs I can connect to the lyrics in what I would want to tell Michael, or how I feel about him. Then there are those that I feel like Michael would want me to hear as if he was telling me, “Yeah, babe…that’s how it is..that’s how I love you..that’s how I feel about you.”

Well, I’ll stop with the ramblings. Here’s one by Brandi Carlile I’m feeling.

When I see myself i’m seeing you too
As long as I remember and I’m feeling like I knew
That my jokes aren’t funny the truth isn’t true
If there was no you

If you were my boat in the deep blue sea
I probably sink you down
I know I should have thanked you for carrying me
But for you I would happily drown

Out on your way the darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do
Could make me turn my back on you
When you’re looking for a fight i’m your man
When you need a friend you got my hand

And what i really mean what I’m trying hard to say
Is that I’m counting on you and you got me too
Our secrets aren’t safe I’m singing out of tune
If there was no you if there was no you

Out on your way darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do
Could make me turn my back on you
When you’re looking for a fight I’m your man
When you need a friend you got my hand
When you need a friend you got my hand
You got my hand

Ain’t No Love

Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert,
I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs.
This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)

I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back,
telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by grief’s grip
and forgot to let the love that Michael and I still share…
guide the way.

The bitterness,
pain,
and void took over,
and it definitly was
not paved by love.

But just as he says “Nothing ain’t no good”,
I’ve learned that there is good..
because he is there guiding me.

Dreams- Brandi Carlile

Ok, I have something to confess….I’m website crazed! I have this one, which is the consolidation of three blogs…I have this one, which I put my favorite quotes and personal photos…and my newest one, which I just use as a photo gallery of my pictures…i know…it’s bad 🙂

While on this one, I came across this song from Brandi Carlile ( who I fell in love with, with “the Story”) and had to share it on here. It’s so true. Every night I hope to see his face, to just have him be a part of my world, even if it’s my dream one.

Dreams, I have dreams when I’m awake when I’m asleep
And you, you are in my Dreams
You’re underneath my skin, how am I so weak

And now in my dreams,

I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams

How long, can you hold your breath?
Can you count to ten, can you let it pass?
Keep, can you keep it in?
Keep it behind lashes, can you make it last?

And now in my dreams, I can feel the weight
I can just come clean

I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams
Oh, I have dreams, I have dreams

(And then an amazing guitar solo)

Mind, can you read my mind?
Has it come undone, am I showin’ signs?

And now, in my dreams
I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams
I have dreams, I have, I have, I have Dreams