If There Was No You

Alright, Alright, Alrighhhttt!

Long time, no post.

Just heard this song. Love it. It’s crazy how different songs I can connect to the lyrics in what I would want to tell Michael, or how I feel about him. Then there are those that I feel like Michael would want me to hear as if he was telling me, “Yeah, babe…that’s how it is..that’s how I love you..that’s how I feel about you.”

Well, I’ll stop with the ramblings. Here’s one by Brandi Carlile I’m feeling.

When I see myself i’m seeing you too
As long as I remember and I’m feeling like I knew
That my jokes aren’t funny the truth isn’t true
If there was no you

If you were my boat in the deep blue sea
I probably sink you down
I know I should have thanked you for carrying me
But for you I would happily drown

Out on your way the darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do
Could make me turn my back on you
When you’re looking for a fight i’m your man
When you need a friend you got my hand

And what i really mean what I’m trying hard to say
Is that I’m counting on you and you got me too
Our secrets aren’t safe I’m singing out of tune
If there was no you if there was no you

Out on your way darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do
Could make me turn my back on you
When you’re looking for a fight I’m your man
When you need a friend you got my hand
When you need a friend you got my hand
You got my hand

Ain’t No Love

Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert,
I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs.
This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)

I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back,
telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by grief’s grip
and forgot to let the love that Michael and I still share…
guide the way.

The bitterness,
pain,
and void took over,
and it definitly was
not paved by love.

But just as he says “Nothing ain’t no good”,
I’ve learned that there is good..
because he is there guiding me.

Dreams- Brandi Carlile

Ok, I have something to confess….I’m website crazed! I have this one, which is the consolidation of three blogs…I have this one, which I put my favorite quotes and personal photos…and my newest one, which I just use as a photo gallery of my pictures…i know…it’s bad 🙂

While on this one, I came across this song from Brandi Carlile ( who I fell in love with, with “the Story”) and had to share it on here. It’s so true. Every night I hope to see his face, to just have him be a part of my world, even if it’s my dream one.

Dreams, I have dreams when I’m awake when I’m asleep
And you, you are in my Dreams
You’re underneath my skin, how am I so weak

And now in my dreams,

I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams

How long, can you hold your breath?
Can you count to ten, can you let it pass?
Keep, can you keep it in?
Keep it behind lashes, can you make it last?

And now in my dreams, I can feel the weight
I can just come clean

I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams
Oh, I have dreams, I have dreams

(And then an amazing guitar solo)

Mind, can you read my mind?
Has it come undone, am I showin’ signs?

And now, in my dreams
I can feel the weight, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams
I have dreams, I have, I have, I have Dreams

Lyrics and Tunes

Music…it’s been a part of my journey of loss. A companion to my grief. A voice of celebration in my happiness. A tear to roll down my face in sadness.

I sat and watched a film this evening. 3 minutes in, I knew the soundtrack would be mine. Taken out of my grocery funds, I went to itunes to spend my few dollars… they filled me up and made me feel full with their lyrics and sounds.

From the beginning of my loss, when “Ache” and “Empty” were on repeat. To the days where “Fix You” and “Bruises” took their place on the CD. I continuously find these words…these emotions…waiting for me to find them…to push play…to devour my ears with their gifts.

They are a part of my salvation, a part of my grief, a part of my healing…a part of my life.

Wait– Alexi Murdoch ( The song that inspired me to write this blog tonight)

Feel I’m on the verge of some great truth
Were I’m finally in my place
But I’m thumbling still for proof
And it’s cluttering my space

Casting shadows on my face
I know I have a strength to move ahead
I can hardly leave my room
So I’ll sit perfectly still
And I’ll listen for a tune
When the mind is on the moon

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slit now
And if I should fall
And if I cant be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

Cause everywhere I seem to be
I am only passing through
I dream these days about the sea
Always wake up feeling blue
Wishing I could dream of you

So if I stumble
And if I fall
And if I slit now
And loose it all
And if I can’t be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

And wait for me
And wait for me
And wait for me
Won’t you wait for me
And wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Won’t you wait for me
And wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Won’t you wait for me
And wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Won’t you wait for me
And wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Won’t you wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Please wait for me
Won’t you wait for me

Wake Up -Arcade Fire

So, I love this song 🙂 I first heard it when i saw “Where the Wild THings Are” and the lyrics are aimed towards childhood and the realities faced as we grow up. Plus, this live version rocks!

Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I’m older,
my heart’s colder,
and I can see that it’s a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don’t grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little god’s causin rain storms turnin’ every good thing to rust.

I guess we’ll just have to adjust.

With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’ to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.

With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’
With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am go-goin’

You better look out below!

Over Oceans

Over Oceans
by Josh Garrels

I remember when all the trees knew your name
Flames from fire flies would light our way
Have I lost all that which I never knew I had found
Searching for you on the wings

On oceans to you
All my time comes to you
How long has it been
Flying home again

Will we be the same as we were once before
Remember like children the stories of old
Your hand was in mine be the firelight when we danced
Mighty wind will carry me

On oceans to you
All my time comes to you
How long has it been
Flying home again
And I’ll be there too
And I’ll be there soon